Posts Tagged ‘C. J. Mahaney’

Book Review of Andy Stanley’s Communicating for a Change (Lesson Four) Internalize the Message

Posted: December 7, 2012 in Book Review of Communicating for a Change, Book Reviews
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
0

Stanley was asked, “Are you saying to deliver it with no notes, from memory?” Stanley responded, “I’m saying that until you can deliver it with no notes, from memory, then it’s not your message. You may know where you want to go, but you haven’t internalized the way to get there.” Stanley observed, “How can you expect your listeners to care enough to remember what you’re saying when you can’t.” Also, “When you stand up and speak without notes and without having to read your sermon, you’re saying, ‘This is so important that it’s a part of me—and I think you should make it part of you, too.”

Stanley doesn’t completely preach without notes: “Another thing I do quite often is write out my main point on a three-by-five card and lay it beside my Bible. . . .My final memory aid comes to us from the wonderful world of technology. We have a video monitor on the front row facing the stage. Occasionally I will give the production team a short list of things to put on the monitor to jog my memory.”

Internalizing the message is very important. I agree. But, does this mean that every preacher has to memorize his sermon? I think not. Jonathan Edwards read perhaps the greatest sermon in our history as a nation. The sermon: Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God. This sermon was used by God to spark the first Great Awakening. Vance Havner read his sermons. Mark Dever takes a manuscript sermon with him into the pulpit every Sunday. You can read one such manuscript sermon. Josh Harris has a Sermon Notes Series in which he gives a brief biography of current, well known preachers and actual PDF examples of their sermon notes. The preachers are: Mark Dever, Mike Bullmore, C. J. Mahaney, Ray Ortlund, Jr., Mark Driscoll, and Josh Harris. All of these contemporary preachers use notes and most of them use manuscript notes.

My point: You don’t have to memorize to internalize. Obviously, we should not be chained to our notes as we preach. In my opinion, we should reduce our manuscript sermon to an extended outline or even a bare bones outline as Driscoll and to some degree Stanley do. How can we internal our messages? Start early in sermon preparation, practice it out loud, pray over the sermon, meditate on the sermon until you own it.

Perhaps W.H. Griffith Thomas‘s advice to young preachers captures the secret to internalizing the sermon: “Think yourself empty; read yourself full; write yourself clear; pray yourself hot; then into the pulpit, and let yourself go!”

 

Sermon: Church Conflicts, What’s New?

Posted: October 17, 2012 in Sermons
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

Here is a list of alleged gray areas that I read that churches have conflicts over:

•   Should music in a worship service be mellow or upbeat?

•   Should you sing from the hymnal or use an overhead?

•   What instruments are allowable in a worship service? Organ? Organ and piano? Drums, keyboards, and saxophone, along with the organ and piano?

•   Is it okay to sing music composed in the last twenty years, or is it, “the older the music the more sacred”?

•   Can a person sing in the choir who is not a church member? Can a person sing a solo who is not in the choir? Should the choir members wear robes? If so, what color?

•   Should the Sunday school curriculum be the same for each class or can teachers choose topics?

•   Should the adult classes be divided by age or topic or both?

•   Should the Sunday school meet before the worship service or after?

•   Should a church have adult Sunday school or one longer service?

•   Should offerings be taken in Sunday school? If so, should the money be used for Sunday school materials only or budget needs or both?

•   Should people being baptized wear robes or casual clothes? If robes, should the color be white or can they be another color?

•   Should churches build buildings, rent public buildings, or meet in homes? If building a building, which building should be built first – the multi-purpose building or a sanctuary?

•   How should the building be financed? Should you borrow money, sell bonds, or pay as you go with cash? If it is cash only, what method of fundraising is to be employed? Can outside organizations help?

•   Should missionaries be supported for certain terms or for life?

•   Should missionaries be given inflationary raises or should the amount of money remain the same?

•   Should church planting missionaries take precedent over other medical missions?

•   Should an offering be taken in church by passing offering plates or placing a box in the back of the sanctuary or neither?

•   Should people simply pledge their annual giving and mail it in whenever they choose? (Stephen Davey, Wisdom for the Heart)

Even in the Book of Acts, there is one conflict after the other. In Acts 5, there is the first church battle over money involving Ananias and Sapphira. The widows in Acts 6 next stirred up a dispute. The first heretic, Simon Magnus, in Acts 8 disrupted church unity for awhile. False teachers invaded Paul’s newly founded churches in Acts 15, which required a Church Council to solve. From the conflict riddled early church we learn:

1. We Need To Expect Conflict.

Malcolm Forbes, founder of Forbes Magazine and father of Steve Forbes, said, “If you have a job without aggravations, you don’t have a job.” We could paraphrase and say, “If you have a ministry without aggravations, you don’t have a ministry.” Spurgeon, who knew much about conflict, wrote, “The Devil never beats a dead horse.” Ian Murray chronicles Spurgeon’s three great conflicts in The Forgotten Spurgeon. The last, The Down-Grade Controversy ended Spurgeon’s life and ministry prematurely.

In Galatians 2, Paul had conflict with Peter and Barnabas because of Peter’s doctrinal compromise. This conflict took place in Acts 12:25 after Paul and Barnabas returned to Antioch. In Acts 15:36, Paul had conflict with Barnabas over a third party (nephew John Mark). In 1 Corinthians 3:1-4, Paul had conflict with the Corinthians because of their carnality. Paul dealt with conflict between two church members in Philippians 4:1-2. Vance Havner cleverly put it this way, “More harm has been done to the church by termites on the inside than woodpeckers on the outside.”

2. We Need To Deal With Conflict.

Paul confronted every conflict in 1 Corinthians. Conflict is like cancer, if you ignore the cancer, it only gets worse and eventually becomes incurable. John Maxwell teaches the 24-hour policy. If there is a conflict between you and someone else, try to resolve it in 24 hours. If you delay, anger and bitterness only fester and finally explode. Bob Jones Senior noted, “You must have little problems to avoid bigger problems.” Jesus taught us how to deal with the little problem before it becomes bigger in the steps He laid out in dealing with conflict in Matthew 18:15-17. If there is a conflict between you and someone else you don’t get on the phone with an urgent prayer request or spill your guts on Facebook. You go to that person “alone.”

3. We Need to Respond Properly when Rebuked in Conflicts

Peter showed his humility when rebuked by Paul in Galatians 2. Peter was not bitter with Paul as evidenced in 2 Peter 3:15, “Our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him.”

After the conflict in Acts 15:36 over taking Mark on the church’s second missionary journey, Paul and Barnabas are mentioned together by Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:6. Mark eventually won back Paul’s confidence in 2 Timothy 4:11. The Corinthians also properly responded to Paul’s rebuke according to Romans 15:25-26.

Charles H. Spurgeon once had a church member who on every Monday, sent Spurgeon a card listing all the mistakes from the previous day’s messages on Sunday. How did Spurgeon respond? Did Spurgeon become defensive? No! Spurgeon corrected his mistakes and benefited from the church member’s criticism. Hence, Spurgeon preached better sermons. What have we changed in our lives because someone has pointed it out to us in the last six months? Spurgeon gave this advice to believers who are being criticized:

Brother, if any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him; for you are worse than he thinks you to be. If he charges you falsely on some point, yet be satisfied, for if he knew you better he might change the accusation, and you would be no gainer by the correction. If you have your moral portrait painted, and it is ugly, be satisfied; for it only needs a few blacker touches, and it would be still nearer the truth.

4. We Need To Grow in Conflicts

Paul teaches us not to retaliate in Romans 12:17. About Christ when He was wrongly accused and treated, Peter wrote, “When he was reviled, reviled not again” (1 Peter 2:23). Jesus taught us to “pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Matthew Henry wrote, “There is a strange paradox in Christianity, you have such a humble Savior, and proud saints.”

On January 28, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger and its crew embarked on a mission to broaden educational horizons and promote the advancement of scientific knowledge. The most outstanding objective of the Challenger 51-L mission was the delivery of educational lessons from space by teacher Christa McAuliffe. A lesson was, indeed, delivered, but not one which anyone expected.

Just 75 seconds after liftoff, tragedy struck. Before a watching world the shuttle suddenly erupted overhead, disintegrating the cabin along with its crew. The debris of metal, blood and bones plummeted to earth, along with our nation’s glory.

What had gone wrong? That was the pressing question everyone asked. As teams of researchers examined the wreckage, the specific cause was soon found. The problem was with the O-rings (circular rubber seals), which had been designed to fit snugly into the joints of the booster engine sections. Evidently, the O-rings had become defective under adverse conditions, and the resulting mechanical failure led to the tragedy. Was that the whole story?

The truth eventually got out. The New York Times put it frankly: the ultimate cause of the space shuttle disaster was pride. A group of top managers failed to listen carefully to the warnings, advice and criticisms given by those down the line who were concerned about the operational reliability of certain parts of the booster engine under conditions of abnormal stress. Just think: heeding criticism could have saved seven human lives (The Spring 1999 issue of The Journal of Biblical Counseling, (Vol. 17, No. 3) by Dr. Alfred J. Poirier, former Chairman of the Board of Directors for Peacemaker Ministries).

From C. J. Mahaney’s writings on the subject of criticism:

  • A leader can expect criticism because of his own sin, which will inevitably be present in his heart and service, no matter how mature or well meaning he is (James 3:1, 2).
  • A leader can expect criticism because there are limitations to his gifting, meaning there will always be weaknesses in his leadership.
  • A leader can expect criticism because we often perform below average. (After one sermon, a guy asked me, “So where do you work during the week?” My sermon apparently gave him the impression that preaching wasn’t my vocation.)
  • A leader can expect criticism because people can be proud and ungrateful.
  • A leader can expect criticism because, well, it is a sinful and fallen world. The world is filled with armchair quarterbacks.
  • A leader can expect criticism because it is part of God’s sanctification process—a tool that he uses to reveal idols and accelerate the pastor’s growth in humility.

Over and over again in Proverbs, wisdom is linked to responding to rebukes: Proverbs 9:8: “Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.” Proverbs 19:25: “Reprove one that has understanding, and he will understand knowledge.”

Mark grew because he responded humbly to Paul’s correction. He became a helper to Paul again and then also to Peter. He finally was privileged to write one of the Gospels in the New Testament.

One of my favorite quotes from J. Oswald Sanders is my conclusion to handling conflict: “No leader is exempt from criticism, and his humility will nowhere be seen more clearly than in the manner in which he accepts and reacts to it” (Spiritual Leadership, page 177).

Sermon: Church Conflicts, What’s New?

Posted: October 17, 2012 in Sermons
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
2

Here is a list of alleged gray areas that I read that churches have conflicts over:

•   Should music in a worship service be mellow or upbeat?

•   Should you sing from the hymnal or use an overhead?

•   What instruments are allowable in a worship service? Organ? Organ and piano? Drums, keyboards, and saxophone, along with the organ and piano?

•   Is it okay to sing music composed in the last twenty years, or is it, “the older the music the more sacred”?

•   Can a person sing in the choir who is not a church member? Can a person sing a solo who is not in the choir? Should the choir members wear robes? If so, what color?

•   Should the Sunday school curriculum be the same for each class or can teachers choose topics?

•   Should the adult classes be divided by age or topic or both?

•   Should the Sunday school meet before the worship service or after?

•   Should a church have adult Sunday school or one longer service?

•   Should offerings be taken in Sunday school? If so, should the money be used for Sunday school materials only or budget needs or both?

•   Should people being baptized wear robes or casual clothes? If robes, should the color be white or can they be another color?

•   Should churches build buildings, rent public buildings, or meet in homes? If building a building, which building should be built first – the multi-purpose building or a sanctuary?

•   How should the building be financed? Should you borrow money, sell bonds, or pay as you go with cash? If it is cash only, what method of fundraising is to be employed? Can outside organizations help?

•   Should missionaries be supported for certain terms or for life?

•   Should missionaries be given inflationary raises or should the amount of money remain the same?

•   Should church planting missionaries take precedent over other medical missions?

•   Should an offering be taken in church by passing offering plates or placing a box in the back of the sanctuary or neither?

•   Should people simply pledge their annual giving and mail it in whenever they choose? (Stephen Davey, Wisdom for the Heart)

Even in the Book of Acts, there is one conflict after the other. In Acts 5, there is the first church battle over money involving Ananias and Sapphira. The widows in Acts 6 next stirred up a dispute. The first heretic, Simon Magnus, in Acts 8 disrupted church unity for awhile. False teachers invaded Paul’s newly founded churches in Acts 15, which required a Church Council to solve. From the conflict riddled early church we learn:

1. We Need To Expect Conflict.

Malcolm Forbes, founder of Forbes Magazine and father of Steve Forbes, said, “If you have a job without aggravations, you don’t have a job.” We could paraphrase and say, “If you have a ministry without aggravations, you don’t have a ministry.” Spurgeon, who knew much about conflict, wrote, “The Devil never beats a dead horse.” Ian Murray chronicles Spurgeon’s three great conflicts in The Forgotten Spurgeon. The last, The Down-Grade Controversy ended Spurgeon’s life and ministry prematurely.

In Galatians 2, Paul had conflict with Peter and Barnabas because of Peter’s doctrinal compromise. This conflict took place in Acts 12:25 after Paul and Barnabas returned to Antioch. In Acts 15:36, Paul had conflict with Barnabas over a third party (nephew John Mark). In 1 Corinthians 3:1-4, Paul had conflict with the Corinthians because of their carnality. Paul dealt with conflict between two church members in Philippians 4:1-2. Vance Havner cleverly put it this way, “More harm has been done to the church by termites on the inside than woodpeckers on the outside.”

2. We Need To Deal With Conflict.

Paul confronted every conflict in 1 Corinthians. Conflict is like cancer, if you ignore the cancer, it only gets worse and eventually becomes incurable. John Maxwell teaches the 24-hour policy. If there is a conflict between you and someone else, try to resolve it in 24 hours. If you delay, anger and bitterness only fester and finally explode. Bob Jones Senior noted, “You must have little problems to avoid bigger problems.” Jesus taught us how to deal with the little problem before it becomes bigger in the steps He laid out in dealing with conflict in Matthew 18:15-17. If there is a conflict between you and someone else you don’t get on the phone with an urgent prayer request or spill your guts on Facebook. You go to that person “alone.”

3. We Need to Respond Properly when Rebuked in Conflicts

Peter showed his humility when rebuked by Paul in Galatians 2. Peter was not bitter with Paul as evidenced in 2 Peter 3:15, “Our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him.”

After the conflict in Acts 15:36 over taking Mark on the church’s second missionary journey, Paul and Barnabas are mentioned together by Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:6. Mark eventually won back Paul’s confidence in 2 Timothy 4:11. The Corinthians also properly responded to Paul’s rebuke according to Romans 15:25-26.

Charles H. Spurgeon once had a church member who on every Monday, sent Spurgeon a card listing all the mistakes from the previous day’s messages on Sunday. How did Spurgeon respond? Did Spurgeon become defensive? No! Spurgeon corrected his mistakes and benefited from the church member’s criticism. Hence, Spurgeon preached better sermons. What have we changed in our lives because someone has pointed it out to us in the last six months? Spurgeon gave this advice to believers who are being criticized:

Brother, if any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him; for you are worse than he thinks you to be. If he charges you falsely on some point, yet be satisfied, for if he knew you better he might change the accusation, and you would be no gainer by the correction. If you have your moral portrait painted, and it is ugly, be satisfied; for it only needs a few blacker touches, and it would be still nearer the truth.

4. We Need To Grow in Conflicts

Paul teaches us not to retaliate in Romans 12:17. About Christ when He was wrongly accused and treated, Peter wrote, “When he was reviled, reviled not again” (1 Peter 2:23). Jesus taught us to “pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Matthew Henry wrote, “There is a strange paradox in Christianity, you have such a humble Savior, and proud saints.”

On January 28, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger and its crew embarked on a mission to broaden educational horizons and promote the advancement of scientific knowledge. The most outstanding objective of the Challenger 51-L mission was the delivery of educational lessons from space by teacher Christa McAuliffe. A lesson was, indeed, delivered, but not one which anyone expected.

Just 75 seconds after liftoff, tragedy struck. Before a watching world the shuttle suddenly erupted overhead, disintegrating the cabin along with its crew. The debris of metal, blood and bones plummeted to earth, along with our nation’s glory.

What had gone wrong? That was the pressing question everyone asked. As teams of researchers examined the wreckage, the specific cause was soon found. The problem was with the O-rings (circular rubber seals), which had been designed to fit snugly into the joints of the booster engine sections. Evidently, the O-rings had become defective under adverse conditions, and the resulting mechanical failure led to the tragedy. Was that the whole story?

The truth eventually got out. The New York Times put it frankly: the ultimate cause of the space shuttle disaster was pride. A group of top managers failed to listen carefully to the warnings, advice and criticisms given by those down the line who were concerned about the operational reliability of certain parts of the booster engine under conditions of abnormal stress. Just think: heeding criticism could have saved seven human lives (The Spring 1999 issue of The Journal of Biblical Counseling, (Vol. 17, No. 3) by Dr. Alfred J. Poirier, former Chairman of the Board of Directors for Peacemaker Ministries).

From C. J. Mahaney’s writings on the subject of criticism:

  • A leader can expect criticism because of his own sin, which will inevitably be present in his heart and service, no matter how mature or well meaning he is (James 3:1, 2).
  • A leader can expect criticism because there are limitations to his gifting, meaning there will always be weaknesses in his leadership.
  • A leader can expect criticism because we often perform below average. (After one sermon, a guy asked me, “So where do you work during the week?” My sermon apparently gave him the impression that preaching wasn’t my vocation.)
  • A leader can expect criticism because people can be proud and ungrateful.
  • A leader can expect criticism because, well, it is a sinful and fallen world. The world is filled with armchair quarterbacks.
  • A leader can expect criticism because it is part of God’s sanctification process—a tool that he uses to reveal idols and accelerate the pastor’s growth in humility.

Over and over again in Proverbs, wisdom is linked to responding to rebukes: Proverbs 9:8: “Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.” Proverbs 19:25: “Reprove one that has understanding, and he will understand knowledge.”

Mark grew because he responded humbly to Paul’s correction. He became a helper to Paul again and then also to Peter. He finally was privileged to write one of the Gospels in the New Testament.

One of my favorite quotes from J. Oswald Sanders is my conclusion to handling conflict: “No leader is exempt from criticism, and his humility will nowhere be seen more clearly than in the manner in which he accepts and reacts to it” (Spiritual Leadership, page 177).

Approachability: The Passport to Real Ministry and Leadership by Ken Sande

Posted: July 13, 2012 in Leadership
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
0
Craig was well-equipped for teaching God’s Word. He was committed to Christ, thoroughly educated, solid in his doctrine, well read, loved to study Scripture, and could preach outstanding sermons Sunday after Sunday.He also saw himself as a gifted pastor. He loved to discuss theology, debate doctrinal issues, and tell people how to apply the truth of God’s Word to everyday life. When people came to him with questions or problems, he prided himself on helping them to quickly get to the heart of the matter by identifying underlying sins in their lives and developing practical plans to grow in godliness.The trouble was that as time went by, fewer and fewer people were coming to him for pastoral advice. He would have been shocked to learn that while most of the people in his church respected him as a gifted preacher, many had lost confidence that they could approach him safely with questions, personal problems, and especially criticism, no matter how graciously it was offered. So while Craig’s pulpit ministry seemed to be thriving, his pastoral ministry was withering day by day.Jeff, a pastor in another church, was flourishing in both his preaching and shepherding ministries. He loved to dig into God’s Word and prepare practical lessons and sermons, but he was equally passionate about coming alongside his people, understanding their struggles, and helping them live out the gospel in the issues of daily life. Like the apostle Paul, he had an “Acts 20:20 ministry,” teaching God’s Word “publicly and from house to house.” His people loved him, shared their struggles, ideas, and even their criticisms freely, and together they were growing in their love for God and their passion to build his church.Craig and Jeff shared many characteristics: excellent education, solid theology, and a passion to teach and preach. But there was one major difference between them: month in and month out, Jeff’s flock had found him to be consistently approachable, while Craig’s congregation saw him as being so distant and above them that they gave up coming to him with their life concerns. Craig was a fine preacher, but he had failed to earn the relational passport needed to shepherd the flock God had entrusted to his care.Countless leaders in other settings, whether the home, ministry, or workplace, fall into this same habit, which destroys their ability to lead and minister to other people.

Without a Passport, You Cannot Enter

A passport is an authorization to go somewhere. There is no more difficult place to enter than the inner life and deep struggles of another person. If you want people to welcome you into their world—their real, messy world, not the smiling façade we all put up—you must earn a relational passport.

In order to gain a passport into the lives and struggles of other people, you must relate to them in such a way that they would answer “yes” to three key questions, each of which contains a variety of sub-questions that roll around in the back of people’s minds:

  • Can I trust you? Will you maintain confidentiality? Will you lose respect for me or judge me if I allow you to see how badly I’ve blown it? Will you be gentle and patient even when I’m exasperating? Will you reject me if I don’t do everything right? Will you assume the best about me or will you jump to conclusions and blame me for all my problems? Can I trust you with the “fine china” of my life?
  • Do you really care about me? Are you just politely tolerating me or fulfilling an obligation? Or do you really want to help me? Why? How could anyone love a person with such problems? Will you take time to listen to me? Do you care enough to push past my outer defenses and take time to help me sort out the tangled mess in my heart? Will you love me like Jesus does, even when I’m not very loveable?
  • Can you actually help me? Are you competent to deal with my issues? How are you doing with your own challenges and struggles? Do you have a track record of successfully solving these kinds of problems? What kind of training or experience do you have? If this problem is beyond the two of us, do you have the humility and wisdom to help me find another person who has the experience I need?

Every time a leader engages people, he or she is either building or destroying passport. Use a counseling story as a sermon illustration without fully concealing the identity of the counselees, and you’ve lost the trust of an entire congregation. Refer with mocking humor to a letter from a member, and you’ve signaled your entire flock not to share their concerns with you. Brush past a person who is clearly trying to catch your attention, and she may not reach out a second time. Jump to conclusions about the reasons for someone’s struggles, and the conversation will quickly come to an end. Give hurried or superficial advice and your people will look elsewhere next time.

But if you take time to be filled with the love of Christ and learn to look at your people with his eyes and care for them with his heart, they will grant you access to the deepest regions of their lives, opening opportunities for rich pastoral ministry.

The Characteristics of an Approachable Leader

One of the most effective ways to build passport with your people is to deliberately and persistently cultivate the image of being an “approachable leader.” An approachable leader makes people feel safe; they know they are welcome to come to you with questions, concerns, or even criticism. In order to gain this image and reputation, a leader needs to deliberately put off “passport killers” and cultivate attitudes and relational habits that encourage people to open up and draw near.

  • Maintain a “gentle authority slope.” The Bible teaches that God has established authority arrangements in the family, church, workplace, and in civil government to maintain peace and order. As Jesus warned in Mark 10:42-45, however, sin often tempts leaders to “lord it over” others by over-emphasizing their own authority and others’ responsibility to be submissive. As Jesus teaches, the best way to guard against this tendency is to cultivate the attitude of a servant, seeing oneself as being below rather than above others (vv. 43-45). As servant-leaders cultivate the Christ-like attitude described in passages like Philippians 2:1-11, they can replace the “steep slope” of authoritarianism with a “gentle authority slope” that is easy for people to climb and invites them to bring questions, concerns, and correction to a leader rather than letting something fester.
  • Fight pride and cultivate true humility. Leaders often have more training and experience than other people. This strength can easily become a weakness if a leader allows pride to produce a superior attitude that thoughtlessly rejects ideas, advice, or correction. As Andrew Murray writes,

All want of love, all indifference to the needs, the feelings, the weakness of others; all sharp and hasty judgments and utterances, so often excused under the plea of being outright and honest; all manifestations of temper and touchiness and irritation; all feelings of bitterness and estrangement, have their root in nothing but pride, that ever seeks itself .[1]

Many leaders conceal a proud attitude under a demeanor of humility, which is not the same as actual humility. One of the many evidences of actual humility is the inclination to “consider others better than yourself,” which results in valuing their thoughts and interests as highly as your own (Phil. 2:3-4). A closely related evidence of humility is to sincerely welcome critique and correction, no matter who brings the “observation” (Prov. 13:10, 17:10). Therefore, wise leaders regularly meditate and pray about the “pride and humility” passages in Scripture (see Prov. 11:2, 19:20; Isa. 66:3; 1 Pet. 5:5-6), asking God to help them put off self-confidence, pride, and every hint of arrogance, and to put on a humility that genuinely welcomes questions, suggestions, criticism, and anything else that might aid us in the process of presenting ourselves before God as empty vessels, so that we might be utterly dependent on and fulfilled in him, which is the essence of true humility. [2]

  • Cultivate a Shepherd’s Heart. The sheer busyness of church or ministry work can easily cause leaders to become distracted or aloof, which will send the signal that troubled people should keep their distance. Therefore, spiritual leaders must constantly pray for God to give them the heart of a shepherd, which is beautifully described in passages like Isaiah 40:11: “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (see also Matt. 18:12-14). This kind of demeanor builds trust, promises safety, and invites people to draw near with their questions and concerns, rather than hiding them or broadcasting complaints to others. One way that I seek to apply this concept when engaging people under my care is to pray, “Lord, help me to serve so-and-so in such a way, that when she reads Isaiah 40:11 a month from now, she will say, ‘That’s how Ken treated me when I went to him with my concern.’” [3]
  • Guard against institutional dynamics that can undermine approachability. There are several dynamics in some church and denominational cultures that can aggravate a pastor’s tendency to be unapproachable. A culture that has a strong emphasis on theology and doctrine can produce “relationally challenged” leaders who prefer preparing sermons over engaging people (which is a tendency in my own denomination). Approachability can also be undermined by a culture or polity that minimizes congregational influence (“We lead, you implement”) or provides no meaningful accountability beyond a closely knit leadership circle in the local church. Such cultures can easily produce leaders who are not inclined to welcome ideas and suggestions from laity, admit areas of weakness or lack of competence, or be open to seeking counsel from outside the leadership circle. Similarly, a polity that fuels political maneuvering between competing cliqueswill usually produce leaders who are guarded in their relationships. None of these factors inevitably produces inaccessible or deficient leadership. [4] Humble and spiritually mature leaders (like Jeff in my opening illustration) can counteract each of these institutional dynamics, but only if they are aware of these pitfalls and constantly vigilant against the way they can undermine approachability.
  • See God’s people as he does. One of the most effective antidotes to personal or institutional attitudes that undermine approachability is to cultivate the habit of viewing the members of your church as God does: as people made “in the image of God” (Gen. 1:27), as “God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,” (Col. 3:12), as “a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God” (1 Pet. 2:9), as people who have been “lavished with all wisdom and understanding” (Eph. 1:8), who are filled with the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19) and are “competent to instruct one another” and “to judge … the things of this life” (Rom. 15:14; 1 Cor. 6:3). When leaders remember that these types of descriptive phrases apply to all of the saints, not just to ordained leaders, they will be more inclined to humbly welcome questions, suggestions, and even correction from anyone in whom Jesus’ Spirit dwells.
  • Send convincing signals that you have time for people. As busy as he was, Jesus had the remarkable ability to send constant signals that he had time for people. The Samaritan woman, the rich young man, Nicodemus, Mary and Martha … all of them sensed that they could ask for his time and not be brushed aside because he was too busy for them. There are many ways to send these kinds of signals. Explicit reassurances of interest and availability need to be reinforced by an unrushed demeanor, relaxed body language, asking questions and patiently listening to answers, and sometimes by pulling out your cell phone and asking your secretary to reschedule an appointment “because something important has come up.”
  • Be transparent. People are usually reluctant to share their problems with leaders who seem to have their lives so figured out that they would not be able to relate to someone who is struggling with uncertainty, failure, or sin. But when a leader imitates people like the apostle Paul (see Rom. 7:7-25; 1 Tim. 1:15-17), and talks openly about his own weaknesses and struggles, and God’s redeeming grace, his flock can approach him as a brother who will understand and have compassion on those who are walking a similar road.
  • Pick up on hints. Troubled people often hesitate to lay all of their concerns out at once. Instead, they will drop hints of an issue and wait to see how you respond. If you brush past their words, they will pull back into themselves and look elsewhere for a caring ear. But if you show concern for even the hint of distress (“How are you today?” “Oh, I’ve been better,” “What’s going on?” “Oh, it’s no big deal, just some problems with the kids” “Hey, I’m a parent too, and I know that can be a very big deal. Can I buy you a cup of coffee so you can tell me about it?”), people may let you in on the pivotal issues of their lives (“Well, last night my son made me so mad that I told him I could hardly wait for him to graduate and leave home. He didn’t come home from school today and we don’t know where he is”). Picking up on a small hint can lead to life-changing ministry.
  • See the good in others (even if it seems outweighed by the bad). People with problems or complaints are naturally defensive and sometimes offensive. As long as they feel vulnerable to being criticized, their walls will be up. One of the best ways to relieve tension or fear is to draw attention to the evidences of God’s grace in someone else’s life, even when serious sin is also evident. Here again the apostle Paul sets a superb example. Knowing that he must bring correction to the incredibly messed-up church in Corinth, he begins his first letter with these astonishing words:

“I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way–in all your speaking and in all your knowledge–because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful” (1 Cor. 1: 4-9; cf. Phil. 4:8-9).

When people know from experience that you prefer and delight to focus on God’s grace in their lives, they will be more willing to pull back the curtain on areas that need more of that grace.

  • Listen deeply before jumping to problem-solving. People often know what they should do to solve a problem, but sometimes they still need to lay the situation out before someone who will listen compassionately and make them feel that they have been heard and understood. Therefore, people are much more likely to open up to a leader who has developed the discipline of listening patiently and deeply, and offering solutions only after others have shared all they want to reveal and are ready to explore solutions (see Prov. 18:13).
  • Be quick to confess sins, whether large or small. When people confront a leader with a mistake or sin that is embarrassing or seems insignificant, natural defensiveness will often tempt the leader to minimize the wrong or explain it away. An insecure leader may even shift the focus to an improper attitude or perception in the accuser (“What is going on in your heart that would cause you to find fault with me?”). This type of response will either provoke a debate or stifle discussion, both of which will confirm that it is a waste of time to approach that leader. Therefore, a wise leader will listen patiently to complaints, pray for God’s help in discerning any truth in them, even if only a grain, and then model humility by sincerely confessing that wrong and thanking the brother or sister for drawing it to his attention (see Matt. 7:3-4; Prov. 15:32, 17:10; see the article “The Cross and Criticism,” which is also available in booklet form).
  • Be slow to confront sin in others. When people are confused, suffering, dissatisfied, or feeling they have been wronged, they have often contributed to their problem in some way; it is equally likely that they may speak sinfully as they unload their complaints to others. Unless there is a clear danger of irreparable harm, it is usually helpful to give people uninterrupted time to get their thoughts and feelings out in the open, even if they are tainted with sin, so that you can accurately discern the issues that are burdening them. Once you have demonstrated your concern and compassion through patient listening, people will generally be more open to hearing words of counsel or correction (see John 4:1-30).
  • Make yourself truly accountable to others. If people believe that they will have to convince you all on their own that you are wrong about something, they may not even try to speak to you, especially if you have strong verbal skills. But if they know that you are accountable to other leaders in the church, who can be called in to help address unresolved issues, most people will be more inclined make the attempt to engage you on points of concern or disagreement. Therefore, a wise leader will make an earnest effort to demonstrate that he or she is genuinely accountable to other leaders who have the strength and willingness to deal candidly and thoroughly with questionable issues in his life (see the companion article, “Accountability: The Mark of a Wise and Protected Leader”).

Get an “Approachability Checkup.”

Even when leaders sincerely want to be approachable, they are often blind to the ways that they push people away. (This is certainly true of me!) If you have the courage to learn how approachable you are, there are several tests you can take.

  • First, read through this article a second time and ask God to help you evaluate yourself on each of the listed characteristics.
  • Second, give your spouse and children a copy of this article and ask them to give you feedback on each of the qualities listed above. Encourage them to give you specific examples of your strengths or weaknesses in each area.
  • Third, meet with your leadership team and assess your institutional culture, asking whether any of the polity or cultural dynamics described above may be undermining your approachability. Then evaluate yourselves as individuals and as a team, giving thanks for good examples of approachability and confessing areas of weakness.
  • Fourth, have the courage to go beyond your inner circle and ask for input from people who have the courage to tell you things you may not want to hear, like the Sunday school teacher who always questions your ideas, or the member who has been cool since that meeting in your office a few months ago. (Every time I’ve done this exercise myself, I have been convicted to learn that others don’t see me as being nearly as approachable as I imagine they do.) [5]
  • Fifth, if you (either individually or as a leadership team) want truly candid and uninhibited feedback, provide a way for people to communicate their thoughts to you without fear of later being reproached or marginalized for saying something that you may not like to hear. One way to do this is to commission one or two uniformly trusted members in your church or ministry to meet with a variety of people and listen to their candid feedback on your approachability, with the assurance that their comments will be presented to you as a composite rather than being identified with specific individuals. Although this approach falls short of the ideal of forthright individual communication, it follows a well established biblical principle of having mediators diffuse intimidating encounters (Ex.20:18-19; 1 Sam. 19:1-6; 1 Tim. 2:5) and will usually provide much more robust, specific, and reliable information by not putting individuals in a threatening position.
  • Finally, ask God to help you take others’ insights and advice to heart. Confess specific failures to individuals you’ve offended. If God opens your eyes to a pattern of weaknesses that have impacted many people, ask him to give you the humility and courage to confess to that entire group. If this requires confessing to an entire congregation, you may be able to do so as part of a sermon on “The Grace of Christ-Like Approachability” (which is a quality that every Christian should cultivate, especially if they are in a position of authority, whether in the family, church, or workplace).

Becoming an approachable leader and earning passport into others’ lives is no easy task. The very qualities that cause others to recognize a person as a leader can also result in an image or demeanor that keeps others closed off and distant. No one was more likely to have such an aura than Jesus. Yet his humility, love, and desire to connect intimately with others were so strong that people were constantly drawn into the safety of his presence and desirous of having him enter deeply into their lives. If you are a leader, I encourage you to make it your life-long pursuit to draw on God’s grace and develop this same approachability in your life.

_____________________
[1] Humility, Andrew Murray (Wilder Publications, Radford, VA, 2008), p. 13

[2] Two books I recommend on cultivating humility are: Humility, Andrew Murray (Wilder Publications, Radford, VA, 2008), and Humility: True Greatness, CJ Mahaney (Multnomah, Sisters, OR, 2005).

[3] For superb insights into the biblical concept of shepherd leadership, I highly recommend While Shepherds Watch Their Flocks, Tim Laniak (ShepherdLeader Publications, 2007).

[4] As Ed Clowney wisely wrote, “Better by far are imperfect structures in the hands of devoted servants of Christ than the most biblical form of church government practiced in pride or in a loveless and vindictive spirit.” (The Church, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, Il, 1995, p. 202)

[5] You can begin this process with an email like this: “Dear ___, I would like your assistance in gaining an accurate assessment of how “approachable” I am to other people. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you would do me the great favor of reading the attached article and giving me your candid feedback on how approachable I am in your eyes. You may do this in any way that is comfortable for you, whether offering some general observations, or evaluating me in light of any or all of the characteristics described in the attached article. It would be especially helpful if you could provide specific examples  that illustrate my strengths or weaknesses in any of these areas. I sincerely want to become more approachable to others, so the more candid and specific your feedback, the better. Thank you!”

Ken Sande is is an attorney, the author The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict (Baker Books, 3rd Ed. 2004), Peacemaking for Families (Tyndale, 2002), The Peacemaker Student Edition (with Kevin Johnson, Baker Books, 2008) and president of Peacemaker Ministries (www.Peacemaker.net), an international ministry committed to equipping and assisting Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically.

This article in its entirety may be photocopied, re-transmitted by electronic mail, or reproduced in newsletters, on the World Wide Web, or in other print media, provided that such copying, re-transmission, or other use is not for profit or other commercial purpose, and that any distribution or use of this article sets forth the following credit line, in full, at the conclusion of the article: “Copyright 2009 Peacemaker® Ministries. http://www.Peacemaker.net. Reprinted with permission.” Peacemaker Ministries may withdraw or modify this grant of permission at any time.

 

The Pastor & Personal Criticism by C. J. Mahaney (Too High An Estimation) Part 9

Posted: June 28, 2012 in Pastoral Theology
Tags: , , , , , , ,
0

This post on criticism is an excellent application of Romans 12:3: “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned” (Romans 12:3 ESV).

How I perceive myself makes all the difference in how I receive and respond to personal criticism.

When a pastor is on the receiving end of criticism and correction, temptations are never far off. In my experience, the higher my estimation of myself, the closer those temptations are. Criticism contradicts my high view of myself—so I am tempted to respond sinfully.

How differently the Apostle Paul responded to criticism!

We read of Paul’s response in 2 Corinthians, a very personal epistle. In chapters 10–13 Paul responds to the criticism leveled against him. He could have defended himself with an account of his incredible personal experiences or with his years of service to the church. Yet he chose to respond to the personal criticism with words like these:

Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. (2 Corinthians 12:6)

This passage deserves a re-read. In case you didn’t get Paul’s point the first time (and I certainly didn’t), perhaps the following comment on the passage by Dr. Don Carson will help you comprehend its full weight:

What is remarkable is the way Paul’s stance differs from our own. Many Christians today, even Christian leaders, go through life fearful that people will think too little of them. They quickly become irritable if someone, especially a junior, is praised more than they. But Paul goes through life fearful that people will think too much of him.*

Paul was fearful that people will think too much of him!? That’s not a fear that I am familiar with. Too often my concern is that people think too little of me—that they don’t share my high estimation of myself.

Yet the question every pastor must eventually answer in his own heart is this: Am I concerned that others have too low an estimation of me, or that they will have too high an estimation of me? How I respond to personal correction often reveals which concern rules my heart.

The first concern can ultimately be traced back to the presence of pride in the heart.

The second concern can only be explained by the active grace of God in the heart.

* D. A. Carson, Basics for Believers: An Exposition of Philippians (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Books, 1996), 80

The Pastor and Personal Criticism by C. J. Mahaney (Why Faithful Pastors Will Be Criticized) Part 8

Posted: June 16, 2012 in Pastoral Theology
Tags: , ,
0

This post by Mahaney is a good reminder that no pastor is exempt from criticism. But in comparison to the criticism Calvin experienced, our criticism though painful is small.

The great reformer and pastor John Calvin was no stranger to criticism. One of his biographers reports that he “was not unfamiliar with the sound of mobs outside his house [in Geneva] threatening to throw him in the river and firing their muskets”[1]. In fact, near the end of his life Calvin said this to a gathering of pastors: “I have lived here amid continual bickering. I have been from derision saluted of an evening before my door with forty or fifty shots of an arquebus”[2], an arquebus being a large muzzle-loaded rifle that emitted a boom and a large cloud of smoke with each firing. Fifty rounds! And you thought you had critics!

I have been criticized, but to date I have never been threatened like this.

Yet Calvin faithfully ministered in the midst of this severe opposition because he was prepared for it. He understood that the faithful pastor will be criticized.

This wisdom is evident in the following quote from his commentary on 1 Timothy 5:19:

None are more exposed to slanders and insults than godly teachers. This comes not only from the difficulty of their duties, which are so great that sometimes they sink under them, or stagger or halt or take a false step, so that wicked men find many occasions of finding fault with them; but added to that, even when they do all their duties correctly and commit not even the smallest error, they never avoid a thousand criticisms.

It is indeed a trick of Satan to estrange men from their ministers so as gradually to bring their teaching into contempt. In this way not only is wrong done to innocent people whose reputation is undeservedly injured, but the authority of God’s holy teaching is diminished….

The more sincerely any pastor strives to further Christ’s kingdom, the more he is loaded with spite, the more fierce do the attacks upon him become. And not only so, but as soon as any charge is made against ministers of the Word, it is believed as surely and firmly as if it had been already proved. This happens not only because a higher standard of integrity is required from them, but because Satan makes most people, in fact nearly everyone, over credulous so that without investigation, they eagerly condemn their pastors whose good name they ought to be defending.[3]

The same man who wrote these words faced “continual bickerings,” gunfire, and the threat of drowning. If this was the criticism Calvin faced, then no pastor should be surprised when criticism arrives. Even the most faithful pastors will be criticized.

Knowing this will protect me from a number of temptations. It will certainly protect me from self-pity. I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself just because people say unkind and inaccurate things about me. This would be yet another evidence of pride in my life.

The opposition I have experienced is…well, I am embarrassed to even reference it in light of Calvin’s experience.

But amidst the criticism and opposition, Calvin pressed on.

So should you.

[1] Parker, Portrait of Calvin (Oxford, 1989), 29.
[2] John Dillenberger, John Calvin: Selections from His Writings (Anchor Books, 1975), 42.
[3] Calvin, The Second Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians and the Epistles to Timothy, Titus and Philemon (Eerdmans, 1996), 263

The Pastor and Personal Criticism (Deal Gently with Your Critic) by C. J. Mahaney, Part 7

Posted: June 14, 2012 in Pastoral Theology
Tags: , , , , , ,
0

Here is an excerpt from the seventh post by Mahaney.

Where has John Newton been all my life?

Newton has recently become a mentor for me. He is a rare embodiment of pastoral humility, compassion, wisdom, and courage, and is always theologically informed and gospel centered.

I see his compelling pastoral example particularly in the words of his letters, first written to inquirers and later published for broad readership. Those letters have had a significant effect on my soul and life, and made a huge difference in how I view and respond to criticism. This is especially true of his letter titled “On Controversy.”

In this letter Newton explains how to humbly respond to an opponent when engaged in a potentially heated theological debate. The context is obviously different from personal criticism, but you will see that Newton’s instruction is relevant to pastors who experience the sting of personal criticism.

In his letter, Newton makes three particularly important points:

1. Pray for your critic.

As to your opponent, I wish, that, before you set pen to paper against him, and during the whole time you are preparing your answer, you may commend him by earnest prayer to the Lord’s teaching and blessing. This practice will have a direct tendency to conciliate your heart to love and pity him.

In reality, it is difficult for me to sinfully judge—or even indefinitely dislike—someone I am consistently praying for.

2. If your critic is a believer, count them your brother or sister in Christ.

If you account [your opponent] a believer, though greatly mistaken in the subject of debate between you, the words of David to Joab concerning Absalom are very applicable: “Deal gently with him for my sake” [2 Samuel 18:5]. The Lord loves him and bears with him; therefore you must not despise him, or treat him harshly. The Lord bears with you likewise, and expects that you should show tenderness to others, from a sense of the much forgiveness you need yourself. In a little while you will meet in heaven; he will then be dearer to you than the nearest friend you have upon earth is to you now. Anticipate that period in your thoughts; and though you may find it necessary to oppose his errors, view him personally as a kindred soul, with whom you are to be happy in Christ forever.

“Dearer to me than the nearest friend.” How is that possible? It is possible in light of eternity, and it is possible because he is a brother for whom Christ also died (Romans 14:15).

Please read Newton’s words again (they cannot possibly be digested in one quick read). This paragraph is full of convicting wisdom. I have read it many, many times and I plan to return to it again, particularly when I am being criticized. This perspective will transform your attitude toward your critic.

3. Or, if your critic is not a believer, show them compassion as an unbeliever who needs Christ.

But if you look upon him as an unconverted person, in a state of enmity against God and his grace (a supposition which, without good evidence, you should be very unwilling to admit), he is a more proper subject of your compassion then of your anger.*

* John Newton, The Works of John Newton (London: 1820), 1:268–269.

The Pastor & Personal Criticism (The Pastor’s Wife and Her Role When Criticism Arrives) by C. J. Mahaney (Part 5)

Posted: June 8, 2012 in Pastoral Theology
Tags:
0

C. J. Mahaney provides three ways a pastor’s wife can help her husband when he is criticized:

When criticism arrives, the pastor is wise to share the criticism with his wife. But in doing this he must protect his wife from these predictable temptations. He does this in these ways:

First, he should examine his own heart and his motives, humble himself, and review a biblical understanding of criticism’s value in his life.

Second, and as much as possible, he should listen to the criticism and correction with an objective ear, not being preoccupied with the attitude of the one bringing it, nor becoming distracted by details in the criticism that may be inaccurate. Further, the pastor must learn to separate any concern he might have about the person bringing correction from the content of what he is saying. He can then turn to his wife, share those points of criticism, and ask: “Can you confirm this from your experience? Do you see this in my life?”

Third, when he shares the critical observation with his wife, he should avoid letting the conversation deteriorate into criticizing the critic. He must avoid the temptation to merely seek her support, her defense, and her agreement.

Carolyn Mahaney has blogged more on this subject here.

The Pastor and Personal Criticism by C. J. Mahaney, Part 4

Posted: June 2, 2012 in Pastoral Theology
Tags: , , , , , , ,
0

Here is another excerpt from C. J. Mahaney’s posts on The Pastor and Personal Criticism. I am reading these as my devotions because, first of all, I am critical and secondly, so I can better glorify God when I am criticized. I like to look up the Scriptures in my Bible instead of just reading them in the post. Looking up the Scriptures in my translation gives me a second review and also helps me remember where the verse is if I need to go back and read it again as I meditate or if I need to share it with someone else.

  1. The Pastor and Personal Criticism
  2. The Pastor’s Temptations when Criticism Arrives
  3. Learning Wisdom by Embracing Criticism
  4. A Kind and Painful Bruising

Criticism wounds. It’s painful. Not all wounds are faithful wounds—some wounds come from reckless words that pierce like a sword (Proverbs 12:18). But I’m not talking about the sting of reckless words in this post. Today I am writing about the sting of criticism that comes even from a faithful wound (Proverbs 27:6). Even from a friend, criticism wounds.

But have you ever wondered what criticism wounds?

I think the simple answer is that criticism wounds the sin that has not been mortified. A wise, older pastor once said to me: “C.J., what hurts isn’t dead yet.” And that is often what criticism wounds—my still-living, still-breathing pride.

Receiving criticism and correction is necessary, because it reveals the blind spots in my life and the pockets of pride that have not been put to death (Colossians 3:5, 12). Therefore we need correction. But by saying this I am not arguing that receiving criticism will be painless or enjoyable. Far from it!

The Pastor and Personal Criticism, Part Three

Posted: June 1, 2012 in Pastoral Theology
Tags: , , , , ,
0

Here is the third excerpt from the posts by C. J. Mahaney on The Pastor and Personal Criticism. I am reading these ten posts just for personal growth in this difficult area of pastoral ministry.

1. The Pastor and Personal Criticism

2. The Pastor’s Temptations when Criticism Arrives

3. Learning Wisdom by Embracing Criticism

Years ago during a study on Proverbs, I was surprised to discover that maturing in wisdom is often the fruit of correction (see Proverbs 9:8, 19:25, 29:15). I can remember thinking, “Surely it’s possible to learn wisdom without any need for correction and criticism.”

Apparently not.

In his commentary on Proverbs, Derek Kidner writes that wisdom’s “frequent companion is correction” [1]. That phrase is now firmly fixed in my mind. If you ask for wisdom to hang around in your life, you will find that she doesn’t prefer to travel alone.

If we could mature in wisdom without any need for correction—and how I wish we could!—I would have discovered a way to do it by now and probably written a bestselling book explaining how. But that’s not how it works. We cannot separate growth in wisdom from criticism, correction, and reproof.

Older Entries